Imaginary
by Whispers from the Past
Summary: Duo's home alone on Halloween, and a certain group of trick-or-treaters' costumes stir up some thoughts that he's not happy with.


Imaginary  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the bishounen. Don't sue me, please!  
  
Warnings: Angst, song fic, angst, contemplating life, angst, did I mention the angst part?  
  
It was Halloween, Duo's favorite holiday out of the entire year. Well, except for Christmas. The others were out on missions, all of them. He was home alone in their suburban safe house with a bowl of candy for the trick- or-treaters and a good horror book waiting for him on the couch.  
  
As Duo dropped candy into another group of bags, pumpkins and pillowcases, he mentally tallied what he'd seen. 4 ghosts, 5 black cats, 2 unidentifiable magical people, and even a mobile suit. Quite an assortment for a Friday night in such a small town. He sank back down onto the couch and picked up his book. Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang annoyingly, summoning him from his comfy place.  
  
It was a small, rainbow colored angelfish and her mother. Duo smiled warmly. That was the most original costume he'd seen all night. Just because he liked the gap-toothed, genuine smile the five year old girl gave him, he dropped two candy bars into her bag. He didn't notice she addressed him as 'Miss' as she walked away. 'What an innocent little girl,' he thought, sitting down again. 'Not too many of them in times like these.' He stopped suddenly. 'In times of war.'  
  
I linger in the doorway Of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name Let me stay Where the wind will whisper to me  
  
And the raindrops as they're falling tell a story  
  
The doorbell rang again, but instead of the merry chimes that once sounded, the music clanged jarringly in his head, making him wince as if he'd been hurt.  
  
Opening the door he jumped, right hand instinctively reaching for the gun concealed at his side. Then his head kicked in and he gave the three 'OZ soldiers' a small candy bar each. "Great costumes, guys," he said, hiding his surprise and sudden burst of fear.  
  
One of them grinned happily and smugly at him. "Scared you, didn't we?" he asked.  
  
"Y-yeah..." Duo replied hesitantly, watching for a moment as they walked away laughing. Going by size and general appearance, they were no more than 15 or 16. 'Only a little younger than most of the soldiers I've killed...' Duo thought as he closed the door and leaned back on it.  
  
In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours  
  
And watch my purple sky fly over me  
  
Duo sank to the floor as a sudden realization hit him like a ton of bricks. 'I just nearly killed three innocent boys because I didn't realize they weren't trying to kill me first!' He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, willing them to stop tearing as bursts of colored lights appeared behind them. Reaching up, he groped for the light switch, turning it off with a flick.  
  
He stood up slowly in the dark room, ignoring the jarring sound of the doorbell, and began climbing the stair slowly. He reached his room and shut the door slightly. It was dark, but there was a sliver of moonlight that cut through the window, and Duo didn't turn on the lights.  
  
He stared at his reflection in the mirror over his dresser. His complexion was a ghostly white, his eyes a dull, hollow amethyst. His mouth, which was normally grinning widely, flashing fun and mischief at everyone, was now closed in a slight frown.  
  
Don't say I'm out of touch With this rampant chaos-your reality I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge In a nightmare I built my own world  
  
To escape  
  
The longer and longer Duo stared at his reflection, the more and more his fake, comical grin began to return to his face. It spread, making the odd glint return to his eyes and the color to his cheeks. He hated this face, the one that made him the jester, the joker, the fool, fooling all the other pilots.  
  
In a sudden burst of anger and hatred of his own reflection, Duo smashed his fist into the glass, cracking it before he drove the other fist in as well. This time the inch-thick glass shattered around him; drops of his blood stained most of the fragments.  
  
In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours  
  
And watch my purple sky fly over me  
  
Duo sank to his knees, regardless of the glass shards digging into his skin, biting, stinging, cutting him for all they were worth. Tears streamed down his face openly, falling to mix with the blood from his hands.  
  
He screamed as he ran his bloodstained hands through his hair, clawing at his head in a desperate attempt to free himself from all his war memories. The faces of soldiers right before they fell to his scythe, the thought of all the families who had lost people to the God of Death tortured him as his sobs broke through the scream.  
  
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming Cannot cease for fear of silent nights Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
  
The goddess of imaginary light  
  
As he lay there amidst glass shards and his own blood, Duo began thinking; tears running silently down his cheeks, tracing paths in the blood his hands left. 'I'm no older than most of the OZ soldiers. Christ, I'm 15! So why the hell am I in this war? Why am I killing people who don't even want to be fighting?' He curled up in a small ball, sobs wracking his body mercilessly.  
  
'Why can't someone else pilot Deathscythe? Why couldn't Professor G have pulled some other idiotic soldier to be his killing machine? Why did they pick me to be their puppet? Why am I here? Why me...?'  
  
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me  
  
-End-  
  
Did you like it? It took me a while to figure out how to word most of it, so some feedback would be appreciated. Reviews will be honored, flames will be ignored. I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was angsty... 


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